Sunday, October 18, 2009

Beyonce vs. Beyonce

I was feeling a little blog-happy this week so I thought I'd post another.


Today, like every day since the show began, I was pining over Glee and I was marveling over the ability of this show to make me like songs that I absolutely despised.

The examples to date are Rihanna's "Take a Bow", Beyonce's "Halo", and Jordin Sparks/Chris Brown's "No Air"... these songs were.. idiotic is the best word I can come up with. Riddled with bad lyrics, stupid concepts, and a weird deliverence despite the talent of the singers, these songs just plain sucked in my opinion, but then a funny thing happened, they were put into context in the lives of beautiful, funny people who are as charming as they are awkward. But I'll save my "Why I love Glee" spiel for another blay (like how I did that? I merged the words blog and day)

I wanted to talk about Beyonce today, because I still hate single ladies (nope, not even Glee could make me love it, I guess because none of the Glee kids actually sang it)... WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU B? Work it out was Beyonce's first solo project and it really got me excited for her solo album (plus I love when she sings "Hey Goldmember"). I was a little disappointed when she sang Dangerously in Love alone on her album because it was one of my favourite songs by Destiny's Child, but I get it, since it's like the only good song she ever wrote (also "Cater to You" was the most degrading way to end such a fantastic vocal group).

When Crazy in Love came out, I thought Beyonce was unstoppable, beautiful (her abs are weird.. i like it better when she covers her stomach), and ready to smack us down with her pitch-perfect voice and incredible stage presence. And I was right, for a glorious short period of time. She released Baby Boy, which wasn't nearly as good as Crazy in Love, but I blamed that on Sean Paul, and she bounced back with Me, Myself, and I which I absolutely adored.

But then something happened to her: she just stopped being good.

I didn't like Naughty Girl because something about it just didn't do it for me, and then she released the lyrical travesty that was Check on it. But B, I still had faith. 2006 rolled around and it was the reinvention of Beyonce. I'm not even going to get into that freaky clothing line of hers (with way overdone styles and the brand logo that reminds me of the Quebec flag). She released the song Deja vu and I knew from the moment I heard Jay-Z's caveman grunts in the beginning it was going to be a disaster. I was saddened and abandoned all hope of Beyonce ever being good again, it just sucks that Crazy in Love was soooo AWESOME, because everything after it just seemed sub-par.

I did like Ring the Alarm and it did spark my faith in Beyonce again but she couldn't accept that and beat, shot and killed any support I had left for her from there on out releasing horrific trash like Irreplaceable, Beautiful Liar, If I were a Boy (Ciara did it better), Diva, Halo, and the god-foresaken Single Ladies. I'm not going to lie, that list of songs makes me nauseous and kills me a little more every time I read it over to check my spelling.

I feel like Beyonce's battered girlfriend. I keep coming back forcing myself to listen to this garbage in hopes of liking it because I know she can change, she has it in her. Thank the lord for DJs who can change her for us. Green Light was god-awful until I heard the Freemasons Remix which blew my mind. I don't know what I'd do with my life if there were no such thing as DJs..

Two songs that I do enjoy (that were released post-crazy in love) and am required to give a shoutout to but I don't like to associate with this new music-for-the-masses-because-the-masses-have-bad-taste-now-robot-Beyonce are Freakum Dress and Kitty Kat (I actually love this song).

I also want to say that she can still sing and her Ave Maria tribute to MJ was very beautiful, and sometimes, just sometimes, I believe that the old Beyonce still lives.

I didn't really want to get into Beyonce's creepy alter-ego business (It was only cool when Janet did it - i.e. Damita Jo), but my sister says Beyonce's alter-ego Sasha Fierce is an excuse to make bad music, because she knows most of it is bad. Truer words have never been spoken.

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